We’ve all had our days where we sit and bask in jealousy of our favorite book/movie character, Bella Swan. I was completely butt hurt as I watched her get her hump on with hot Edward Cullen. She’s so complex that she can get a vampire and a werewolf to fall in love with her. But I have mastered; and found out the secret ingredient to her wit and charm. Now we can all have the spotlight turn on us with the tip of a hat!
1. Be weird and anti social – Let’s face it, what makes Bella special and differs her from us common folk is that she is extremely (and painfully) anti social. If you’re popular, cut off the jerks and tramps from your life. Befriend normal everyday people who do not spark your interest. Oh – and blow off all the human dudes who like you. Don’t play hard to get – just let them know it’s not happening.
2. Find inhumane creatures that take the appearance of humans – That being preferably vampires and werewolves. Let’s try to back off the angel and demon drama. You could get yourself killed in that.
3. Be clumsy – The only interesting part in Bella’s everyday life is when she trips, falls, get’s injured, has near-death-experiences, etc. If you’re in a location where ice is covering the ground, slip and fall! Be free!
4. Make sure your father is just as anti social and your mother just as annoying – In order to be Bella, your parents have to have your bad characteristics too.
5. Be perfectly okay with the fact that your vampire/werewolf boyfriend could crush you in an instant – Bella isn’t afraid of dying! Be fearless!
6. Be friends with your abnormal boyfriend’s family – They will come in handy.
7. On your honeymoon, remember to bang endlessly!
8. Be good at chess – So you could beat your boyfriend in it!
9. Fight for your baby, even if it kills you – Have a weird thing in your stomach that is slowly torturing you? Be a good mother like Bella. Sit there, take the torture, and have the baby you might not live to see.
I hope those nine easy steps help you into becoming just like Bella! Don’t sit in the sidelines and watch as she gets your dream guy any longer!
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